I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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