NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
