I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
