I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
