We're facebook friends in real life
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
