You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
