i need an iv and a liver transplant
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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