I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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