I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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