yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
