I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
