So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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