your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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