I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
