I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
