Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
