No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
