Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She bit a glass in half.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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