About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think my moral compass just broke
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
