in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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