So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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