you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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