you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
