If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize