i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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