i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
