Whod you bang
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We have started to decorate penises.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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