Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
