So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
