If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
