Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
