he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
