Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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