I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize