So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
