you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
