As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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