He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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