JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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