No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
