What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
