At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
