i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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