there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
