OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
