i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
