Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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