do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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