That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
