Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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