i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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