I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
