i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
