I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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