We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
