Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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