I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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