He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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