member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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