did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
