the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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