Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
false alarm. still invincible.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
