BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
