I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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