Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
