John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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