just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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