she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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