How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
