he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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