My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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