I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
