Whatcha textin bout Willis?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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