They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
