There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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